My wife and I have decided to accept the obvious. My neurologist considers my disease a variant of Kennedy’s Disease, abbreviated as KD. More correctly known as Spinal-Bulbar Muscular Atrophy, it is a genetic neurological dysfunction affecting the skeletal muscles affected by the nerves contained in the region of the medula oblongata as well as spinal nerves. Among other resources https://www.mda.org/disease/spinal-bulbar-muscular-atrophy is a good link to start with.
The disease is slowly progressive and caries a host of issues. Although I failed the DNA test to positively identify SBMA, my neuro is confident that my affliction is a variant of SBMA. Additionally, he informed us that every year they add variants of DNA mutations to the SBMA test so we just may be ahead of the test development.
I’ve decided to change the name of my blog to echo the path of acceptance that I am on. Additionally, I must note that this path is not only traveled by myself. I have many partners on my journey. My youngest daughter confided in me that she is having a massive problem seeing me like this. My wife is stressed beyond belief. My mother in law is beside herself, my mom is digesting it and the list goes on. Virtually, everyone I have a relationship is affected in some way. I haven’t felt my situation was this influential since the divorce from my first wife.
My path of acceptance has not been an easy one. There have been many road hazards and I have lost some people along the way. I feel remorse for losing them as they have no way of knowing the depth of my agony and I used their ignorance as reason to exclude them from my journey. I’m not sure of how I should go about re-including them in my life, or even if it is possible. I still have anger I need to deal with. Although I feel culpable in the severance, I continue to feel justified in my actions. Thus, I am at an impasse with my self.
I am thankful that I have disability benefits, otherwise, I would be destitute.
My faith has never waned. I would claim it has increased. As I sought strength in Christ from the beginning, I now see that I cannot survive without him. I only pray that others see the strength in their own spirituality whether it be Wiccan, Muslim, Judaism, Christian or any of the host of the world religions, even science. You can never tell when your time will be at hand. All you have in the darkness is your faith in your beliefs. I pray it is strong enough to carry your weight.
I have not completed my path of acceptance. I still have a motorcycle and a car that I need to accept that I will never use again and divest myself of. It is very difficult to give up items that brought you a great deal of joy. But, they are material goods, and trappings. Again a contradiction within myself.
Thank you all for joining me to this point. I hope that you all continue with me for the next leg of my journey.
Jay C. Theriot