I had another increase yesterday. We are taking the increases in smaller doses as we approach what we think is our goal. I agree. I feel ok when I’m not having what I call a spasmodic event.
In a conversation with my neurologist yesterday, he explained, once again that the goal was to minimize the events but not to drug me up so bad that I flop like a fish. The truth is, that the events will never stop.
I did not realize that until I was asked a question about how the visit went. In my explanation, I had a moment of realization. Evidently, I don’t listen to myself. These will never end.
So, where do we go from here? Those of you that know me better than most of my family should know that I don’t like being told that something cannot be done. Yet, I’m having to accept the converse of that.
I’m setting goals. If I can get well enough that a vehicle ride does not destroy me, then there are some places that I would like to go. I intend to travel. I have amassed friends in every area of the country, either through the military, or through my students leaving the state.
I could do web hosting, I have the equipment and the know-how. However, I am very slow. My operational hours during the day are limited, as is my movement. I, it seems, am less dependable than my equipment. My equipment has a very low failure-rate and it just got lower. I have good toys, and it seems that is only what they ever will be.
I see where I need to identify and accept my limitations and figure out goals that are obtainable for me.
I will say God is carrying me. There is only one set of footprints in the sand. Currently, I can have it no other way.