I think that I have crossed another threshold. Until today, I would look forward to visiting the doctor. I think I may have hit saturation point.
It is not that I don’t like my doctors, they are the finest in the world. It’s more of like when my dogs get taken to the vet. They are excited to leave the house, but man, when they realize they are getting shots, they freak.
I think the cause is that we are in a slow increase in my medication. Where will it stop? Nobody knows. This is a tedious process. It will take months to get all the dosages right and then me to relearn and retrain my body. I’m just tired of change.
However, I should be happy with this. Change now means “Progress.” Why do I feel so damn down when I look at the calendar and see, “Yeah, another doctor’s appointment.” I can’t answer that. I can tell you, and it should be no surprise, that I realize I am head-first into depression. It will be the subject of today’s doctor visit.