Yesterday’s 48 hour snapshot generated some private message questrions, I will endeavor to answer them:
1) What is the diagnosis? I see “extreme spasticity,” but that is a symptom, not a diagnosis.
Answer: There is no current diagnosis. Extreme spasticity is caused by a family of neurological issues. Some have been eliminated in my case, others have not.
After 7 months of critical levels of pain and debilitation, my neurologist, my wife and I decided to move forward with treatment to lower the levels of pain and provide a greater range of function.
Many, many evil questions remain. Some, I don’t look forward to the answer.
2) Questions about my spirituality and potential depression.
Answer: I believe God is showing me a new path and he is carrying me. I am considerably frustrated with my body and not being able to depend on it for anything. (I walked about 500 steps this morning!!! — now, I’m going to be in a chair for the remainder of the day… so much for making plans.)
Am I depressed? I would imagine so. I try not to think of the future, because it terrifies me. I focus on the hear and now and what I can do at that moment. My ability levels change, literally, at the blink of an eye.
I do not want your pity. What I want is your friendship. The most positive result of all of this is that people that have been in the shadows have come forth and offered support privately. When an old friend does that, my heart rejoices and I usually tear up while I’m answering.