2018 February 4, Fire

I’ve had a bad day.

I went play cards at a friends and my legs gave out. Because of that, I missed my youngest daughter’s first high school parade.

As it is now, I’m laying in bed with my laptop on a foldable desk. The muscles in my legs, as well as many other muscles in my body are screaming.  The sensation is somewhere between them pulling away from my bones to them being bathed in acid.

When I can manage to stand, the muscles are engulfed in fire.  While I type this, the little muscle activity required to suspend my arms are causing my arms to be on fire.  I have the ceiling fan on high to try to cool me off.

This is the part of the cycle that I don’t know what to do with.  The muscles are not actively cramping, which I would take the Zanaflex for.  They are not tight, which is why I would take the additional Baclofen.  They are not giving me considerable constant pain which I would take the Lortab for (although, the level of pain exceeds the qualifications my doctors set for me to take it.)

I should probably take the Lortab.  However, I hate it.  I find it a drug of convenience.  All it does is allow me to ignore the pain that my body is giving me.  I feel that I should be able to use meditation to overcome.

I wish I could be like some of my friends and just do it.  I am fighting against almost 50 years of self-programming not to give in to self-medicating. I should probably look for texts on living with extreme pain to transform my mentality or at least get multiple people’s perspective so that I can better develop mine.

In this area of thought, I am an infant.

In Christ,

Jay C. “Jazzy_J” Theriot