It’s been a rough week since Saturday. Another day in the chair. The spasticity has been at the highest level since the reset. I can’t seem to shake it. Last time, the only thing that seemed to help was respiratory failure and a week in the hospital. I’m aiming for a much lest drastic solution this time.
I have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow morning. What I’m thinking is reinstituting either Horizant, Lorzone or both temporarily until my muscles relax and then weaning off of them again. Taking these drugs are likely to take me out of the game for the duration, but right now, I’m back to searching for drivers and avoiding opening metal cans. I don’t think it can get much lower.
I’m feeling hot spots randomly throughout my body. They stay for a minute or so and then move to another location. I termed them ghosts in the past. They are like spirits just wisping across the surface of your skin.
Tremors are back. Minor ones, but they are definitely there.
Balance… hah. no such thing right now. I do fine as long as I’m upright. Once I start teetering, I don’t react fast enough to make a minor correction.
Spasms are visiting, too. Not as severe to pull muscles as in the past, but they are making things like holding coffee cups a challenge.
Other TMI stuff is happening.
Lack of fine motor control makes typing a challenge. Doable, but still not as fluid as usual. Typing is considerably easier than holding an ink pen, a spoon, fork or knife. — yes feeding myself has lost its finesse.
Mental clarity is difficult. I believe this is due to my lack of focus and the distractions my body sends me.
Pain is a fairly constant 4-5.
My feet turn in automatically. I’m talking to the doc about this. Sometimes it’s only one. Sometimes left, right or both.
The amazing thing is that I’m getting offers through LinkedIn. It was incredibly difficult for me to get the position I had to leave because of this illness and now, people want to higher me. Pouring a cup of coffee is difficult for me. I have things I need to do, but I’m limited. Pain prevents me from being able to think clearly. Showering has returned as a traumatic event and bathing in hot salts requires someone to be there so I can get my carcass out of the tub. My blood relatives are reticent to even acknowledge me.
The suppressed anger and frustration overwhelms me sometimes. I no longer watch the news. I can’t handle anymore problems than what I have myself. My religious convictions are strong, but I am weak.
Ugh. I need to focus on positive.
My oldest daughter has invited me to participate in the Vet’s day presentation at her school. I so want to be with her on that day. I can’t drive, so, I’m arranging transportation through a friend’s kid.
Ugh is all I can say. And that I need a nap.
Peace, love and granola.
Jay C. Theriot