2017 November 18, Ink Pen Coming

I ordered a fountain pen.  Nothing extravagant, just something without a ball in it.  I’m thinking that I’ll be able to write better with a pen I don’t have to press into the paper.  I can just let the ink flow.

I don’t write much, but when I do, it is usually strained.  I shudder at writing out the bills.  I used to enjoy the thrill of paying a bill by physically writing a check.  Now, I dread it.  It has become a very physically painful event.

The pen, hopefully will arrive today!  Amazon is not helpful with the details of shipment.  So, I will try to contain my hyperactive mind and just let the damn pen arrive.

I’ve had a bad couple of days.  I momentarily lost faith last night.  I couldn’t take my condition anymore.  So, I went to bed early.  I had cramps and spasms all night that kept waking me up.  However, with the help of cold medicine, I was able to sleep until 6:50 am.

I will, undoubtedly, be tired all day.  I really did not get quality sleep last night.  But, what will be, will be.  Que sera, sera.

I just need to go with it and let things happen.

I have to report back in to my insurance company what my status is.  So, I’m having to be introspective.  I hate that. I wish I could just give them the address to this site and they could just read on their own.

We have someone coming today to do things that I cannot.  Some of the things he is doing is making modifications to the house to increase my independence.  That’s my status.  Can I just send the insurance company his bill as proof of how I am doing?

I have ideas.  My mind is still working on computer development and I can’t follow through with my ideas.  I can only write code a very little bit each day.  My body prevents me from taking an idea, getting in the zone, and following it until it is functional.  I’m just so tired of my stark limitations.  I’ve built up a massive development environment, but can do very little with it because of my limitations.

In a life where fixing your own cup of coffee is viewed as an achievement, how can a person do marvelous things?  I can only watch others do them.  I don’t want to be a spectator.  I want to be the competitor.

Ugh, I hate me whining.

Jay