2017 December 6, Mindset is Settling

I’ve been doing a bit of reading and talking to a close friend of mine with multiple sclerosis.  Our symptoms are so completely similar, it is overwhelming.  Except to the degree.  She can still function.  Her disability is not as severe as mine.

My mind is settling on calling this condition MS.  I tell people it’s like MS, as officially, I don’t have a diagnosis.  My wife and I have had long discussions.  My big question is why did this come on so quickly.  My wife informs me it didn’t.  It slowly crept in and we weren’t smart enough to listen.  And, then on December 17th, 2016, it became too much for me to bare.  That was the tipping point.

I don’t know my limits or abilities.  They change minute to minute.  If yesterday taught me anything, it was how unpredictable my situation could be.  In less than 20 minutes I went from functional to not and writhing in pain.  As it is now, I’m in the wheelchair with all my muscles screaming at me.  I don’t even care about the pain level.  I find labeling it to be trivial and counter productive.  I hurt to the point of debilitation.  What does a rating matter?

I have isolated myself this week.  I am tired of having to deal with humanity.  The world seems crazy and I feel powerless external to my limited domain. You are probably reading this through a link I have automatically pushed to social media. I am seeking beauty and an internal peace.  So to speak, I am trying to get my yin and yang in balance.  I have changed the background on my screens to photos of nature.  The screens are my windows to the world, and I want my world to be beautiful.

We have scheduled a trip to a friends estate at the end of the week and plan on spending the weekend.  It will be the first significant time I spend away from my safety zone in a year.  However, this place that we are going gives me internal peace.  The people there are amazing.  To say I have grown to love them is an understatement.

I plan on waking up and drinking coffee looking at the lake.  Playing with dogs and cats and shooting as many photos of plants and wildlife as my contorted little body will allow.  I have new camera equipment that I need to put through its paces.  I have people I have not seen in over two years.  I think the weekend will be short and filled with joy.

I am building the documentation needed to go public with pro-bono web-hosting for charitable organizations and causes.  My body has hit a snag, and I am more focused on my own misery than the words that need to be in the charters.  I want to support organizations that find web hosting out of their reach and make it a reality for them.  I have more than enough equipment and bandwidth to sustain these services.  I figure I could handle 20 or so hosts.  I just don’t know if my body will sustain me enough to get the work done.

I am learning that we should enjoy life as it is given as it can change in a second.  With this knowledge, we should embrace life and live it to its fullest every second of every hour of every day.

Thanks and God Bless,

Jay C. Theriot aka Twitch