Victory is sometimes short lived, but worth celebrating.
The Tin Man has returned. My arms are made of iron. The spasticity is on the increase again. Whether this ends in a spastic event or not, time will tell. I can say that my muscles, everywhere, are tight. The disease wants me to know it is in charge. It wants me to know what ever relief I get is temporary at best. I have a new weapon in my arsenal. I can end the spasms if they start.
I slept almost none at all last night. I lay in bed and felt the pain and stiffness return.
I celebrated my victory yesterday by kneeling before the alter and thanking Christ for carrying me for the last year. My belief in the Trinity doesn’t waver even with the return of the evil. It cannot. In the darkness of my battle, there are times when all I can focus on is His love of humanity. That there is good in this world and there was a man, that so loved us, he willingly gave himself in sacrifice so that we all may live through Him.
If there is anything I have learned in the last year, it is about His love.
This disease is my cross to bear in this life. I hope that these notes can someday be used in the benefit of others, if not medically, at least for emotional and spiritual strength.
I do not wish to be a Bible thumper. God exists in many forms to many people. You should all cling to your beliefs. As when you are in darkness, you are alone with your beliefs and that will be all you have to give you peace.
When I almost died this summer fighting this battle, I had a vision that I am still working out in my head. It was a call to faith. One moment, I was shown the terror. The next, I was touched with warmth and every verse I every read in the Bible was made absolutely clear to me and the deeper meanings of all. I was comforted. The knowledge faded a day or so later.
I was strapped to the bed and intubated during the time. Talking was impossible and writing was difficult. Nevertheless, the deep understanding may not have been as important as the result: the knowledge that He was by my side.
I will undoubtedly sin in the future. I do it every day. Cursing with this disease seems to be required. More sins are yet to come. He loves us, sins and all. He wants us to rail against sin, but even if we lose, He will be by our side.
I hurt. I have physical and emotional pain. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face due to the pain. However, my spirit is calm, knowing I have someone to carry me.
Never lose your faith. Whatever you believe in, believe in it with all your being.
To God be the Glory, thanks for reading.
Jay C. Theriot